It does take a special sort of person, male or female to take on another persons children, and treat them equally as their own. No matter how easy it may seem to love a child, it does make a difference that the child may not physically be your own, though the rewards can be just as fullfilling.

We all know how good a child is at surveying the tactics to use with adults, we all realise that kids operate sneakiness like it's an art form against the niave grown ups, and as such the would be parent whether it be their natural parent or step-parent sometimes don't stand a chance. Kids are brilliant at using a situation to benefit themselves, by playing parents off against eachother or just playing on the would-be sympathy vote..........So, yes in my opinion it does take a special and dedicated person to willingly and lovingly take on someone elses children.

It becomes harder to deal with a split-level family when another child arrives, as there times when the step child may feel pushed to one side or not treated as equal by the step-parent........This is a very difficult situation, and one that usually occurs accidentally, but the consequences can be devastating to the child and and traumatic to a families contentness.

If anyone would like to add an opinion or leave a personal experience, please feel more than welcome.

Alison xx

They say that moving house is up there right at the top of the pile when it comes to stress and upset! Well yes I have to agree........The house moving process no matter how apparently smooth is very tiring, stressful and emotionally draining!

We, as a family have just moved house, and now we are the proud owners of a larger,more practical property, one that we as a family can grow in, and hopefully in time gain extra capital in also.........But, and I have to say this very bluntly....NEVER MOVE HOUSE EVER WHEN YOU ARE EXPECTING A BABY! If anyone ever asked me if it was easy - then hell no, it was not! It is frustrating, and hideously tiring, and what can you do to help? Nothing! All I have done is do the paper work, ringing around changing addresses etc,and more importantly - get in the way! There is nothing that can be done to practically help when you are pregnant....I would now suggest to anyone attempting to move and carrying a wee baby - 'Go away for the weekend, or until its done, and then come back when you can enjoy the new house - DO NOT try and be of any help!'

How many items can be dropped on a floor that cannot be reached? I have spent the entire time of moving asking my teenage daughter could she just pick such a thing up - very, very frustrating! .....I suppose right now she is probably feeling that she is more of a 'pick me up' than a daughter, poor girl!

Anyway, we are in the house, boxes and bags are still in a heap, but we are here, and so is my bump, so I guess we must have succeeded! Three weeks to go, and I do hope there isn't a day longer, I am desperate to be able to see and hold this little bundle of joy that has been partially the reason for this hideous move. Twenty one days and counting!

Alison xx

After a numbers of years and plenty of, not only emotional but physical proof, is marriage the final commitment?

Is marriage the be all and end all? Do we really need that piece of paper that clarifys legally that we are bound together? Or should love and trust etc be enough?

I always felt that marriage was the final page in the relationship book.......Where that little piece of paper would seal a couple forever, but now these days I feel unsure........Is marriage the final emotional commitment, or the final financial commitment?  I know with absolute surity that no ring would slip on my finger no matter how much money was a possibilty....... Love and want would only be the logical reason for me to even contemplate marriage, if I had a mere shadow of doubt, marriage would not even come into my vocabulary.

Realising the growing trend of the 'living together' situation, there is with good reason why this is so popular, as that little piece of paper can offer, yes... financial stability, but also a wealth of legal battles.........This is only one perspective........

Where would we stand if we 'lived in sin' indefinately with no legal paper work and a breal up was a possibility? Not on such stable grounds.........Which does then ask the question again, does a small sheet of legal paper work offer such a good financial support to either party, that marriage is the favourable option?

Everyone has a right to an opinion on this subject, as we all see things in a different light........And there really is no emotional right and wrong, but there obviousley is a financial balance that sways gently in the breeze.

Marriage is the final emotional commitment in my eyes, but not one that I personally wish to dive head long into in any rush.......One that will take place only when we as a couple are ready. My love isn't measured by paper work nor money, my commitment is measured only through my voluntary willingness to be faithful and honest, and the rings which represent all this will only be exchanged when we both feel the time is right, and not before.

Financial support and stability is unavoidably needed for all parties in a long term live-in relationship, as both individuals have a right to own what they have invested in their future, which is only fair, whether it be an emotional investment or a cash deposit.

Any opinions and comments are welcome on this topic............

Yours

Alison xx

If you give love to people then surely you have a right to expect love back?

But what happens when you truly feel you are not worthy of accepting the love people offer?

Lack of self confidence and self worth is a terrible and emotionally corrosive problem, that is so common amongst men and women alike. The problem that arises from the feeling of low self esteem is that other people perceive you in this way, of which transpires in that they receive only the type of life and love that they feel they are worthy of, which is practically nothing!

A life hindered by this awful dark cloud that says you are not as good as the next person, or not worthy of the person who you are with, will undoubtably end in turmoil and upset. How does a person live and react to another person who continually undermines themselves? Some partners will go out of their way to try their best to lift the confidence of their low esteem other half, trying to help them gain a little more pleasure out of life and allowing them growth to try and expand their confidence. And then there are some partners who will take full advantage of the situation, using the problem to gain a kind of emotion control over them, and therefore in time not only making their 'partner' worse than they originally was, but often leaving them in an emotion wreck state for other people who actually do care, to pick up the pieces.

Confidence isn't something that comes naturally to some people, and for those amongst us who are blessed with the natural ability to stand up and be counted for with ease, then I say 'You are one of the lucky ones', as the highest proportion of use have had to fight our way to feel an element of self worth, using each of lifes knock backs as a rung on the ladder to hopeful self preservation.

Surely everyone who gives, is due something in return?  As everyone in my eyes are only equal, not better, not worse, just equal.......Which means in my world I expect to be treated to a certain standard of respect and emotional feeling, only the same as what I give unconditionally.

It is hard to respect someone who gives off vibes of not expecting to receive any, but as I say, in my eyes everyone who is of at least reasonable character is entitled to be treated as good as the next. Not everybody feels as I do, and as such will disrespect a person who does not command even a portion of self respect, and only because they feel they are not worthy of it.....Rubbish, we are all worthy of something, worthy of receiving something back if we have given it in the first place.

I truly wish there was an injection created that was easily administered to a lacking in confidence person, that would literally inject life / self worth / Self repect / confidence / emotional stability into their body and help them release the anguish they feel.

I would like to feel that I do respect people, some more than others admitting, but I do have enough self confidence to be able to say that to get respect one has to earn it............And some people arn't having to earn it through being bad, but through being too emotionally trodden on.

The one person who you can rely on the most to look after yourself is YOURSELF! Because, self preservation has to kick in at some point!!

Alison xx

How often do we ever get time to ourselves?  

As a mum we assume we will never have two minutes to ourselves, it just doesn't happen, because as soon as the children are tucked up in bed, we find something else to do that we couldn't do during the day.

How often over the years do we allow our offspring to share our bath, or sit on the toilet seat and talk to us (or worse) whilst we bathe? Never have I felt I have had a day to myself in the last fourteen years, not that I have bothered, to be honest, I have actually got so used to the lack of me time and the company of my child that after school holidays have finished and the kids go back, I feel 'in missing'....Lost because I do have this extra time on my hands....Lost because I haven't got my little friend by my side.

Amazingly over the last few weeks I have accumulated some free time, which has become a shock to ones system, and a quite nice pleasant change.

Fourteen years old now means, one goes to high school and is able to walk home, when ones legs are oiled and syked up for the event ofcourse! It also means that at fourteen you don't always require the complete attention of your mum, and can fullfill your own spare time doing things that teenagers do, in this case, watch t.v, work on her laptop and listen to music. But it also means that at some stage this child is going to start not needing me as much, which although I do appreciate my now found free time, will leave me with a void that I dread to think will feel strange and odd.........

Now we are at the stage that goes something like: She is allowed to enter the bathroom when I am in there, no matter what it is I am in there for! - I am only allowed in there when she is in there first as long as it isn't even the slightest bit embarrassing!  So basically although she must still see me in the same light, she see's herself somewhat differently! Isn't it a shame we all have to grow up!

My daughter has been and still is the best friend I will ever have, she has ben nothing but a credit to me, in her school work and homelife, her ability and willingness to be helpful and loving has been second to none, which for this day and age is unbelieveable. She has never spent her evenings lurking around shop door ways attempting to be at the very least intimidating or a nuisance, and if she does swear when in the company of her school friends, which I suppose she does, I never hear it, which again is beyond my expectations.

My child is growing up, and although I /we have another half way to being out in the open world and joining our little clan, I am quickly seeing how my once little girl is now becoming a young woman, who makes choices herself, some which are good, some which even she will admit are a little dodgy! My daughter is learning quickly how to take care of herself and make her own decisions.

If this little bundle of joy that I have been carrying now for five months follows in any of her big sisters footsteps then I/we shall be proud and happy, if this new baby doesn't look at her big sister and think 'wow!' then I will be amazed......As I have already pre-warned my daughter that her new little sister will be running everywhere after her and pinching all her things, trying to copy how she dresses, and imitate her ways.

So, hmmmmm, where will my free time be? Well, probably spent running after a certain little person who is sporting my older daughters make up or jewellery, and legging it down the drive way!.....Sat sharing my bath yet again!.....Watching the next generation grow and learn!

Alison xx

For Jess, 

As if you didn't already know, which I know you do...... Your mum and Steve are so proud of you, not just for your school work and exam results, but for being such a special, helpful kid!   Love always from Mum xxxxxx

There comes a time in everyones life when a family member or friend will be in need of a shoulder to cry on.

How do you help someone who gives off vibes of not wanting to fix their situation?

Today my closest friend's life is going into turmoil, and as to be expected, caused by a relationship breakdown. How can we help someone who can't find the strength to fight their own battle?

My friend and I have been through many, many ups and downs together, we have laughed and we definately cried together, we have attempted not to judge, which isn't always easy, as at some point we will not agree with their decisions that they make, especially when you can foresee future turmoil.

I know in the past she has stuck by my side when I have needed her, she's listened when I have moaned and cried, she's seen me go through hell and back all because ' I knew best!'.........Not that she sat quietly and didn't offer her view! But all the same she has been there with a shoulder.

Now I sit and watch her go through yet another session of hell, and yes again caused by a relationship going down the tubes. But going through hell and fighting back I can understand, but going through hell and near enough literally asking for more is unreal. No one can force someone to do anything, but if only I could inject some self preservation into her I would have left happier today. Emotional abuse is sometimes far worse than physical, and to sit and see someone you care about practically pin a sign on themselves saying ' Give it to me again'  is unreal........But no one can ever account for how that particular person feels about the other party involved......How much does someone love someone in order to let them keep on hurting you?  Love truly must conquer all!

About three or four years ago I suddenly awoke from what feels like a relationship coma to be able to open my eyes and see the wood for the tree's. Maybe I have gone emotionally tougher,I don't think so, but maybe I have decided enough is enough, and self-worth kicked in.......No one is important enough nor should be able to ruin another person's future and life.........And anyone who tries isn't worth the paper their name is written on!

At some stage I want my friend to feel self-worth.........To look in the mirror and see herself looking back saying ' Let's get on with it and I'm doing it for me!' 

My friend has the right to be happy, as we all do, but finding it is the hard part. I want the best for her, but sometimes the frustration does get the better of me! No one can force self-worth into someone, and if you don't respect yourself then who will?

If you are reading this, and you know who you are!!!  You mean the world to me, and I just want you to find the strength not to just walk away, but to turn round and be able to say ' We're starting a new life, you are part of the old one, and I deserve better! Take care and see ya round!'

You have all the qualities that you need to be happy, and be loved! And from me to you matey, please realise you are worth so much more than you think!

Love from   Alison xxx

I suppose I did the same..........As a teenager, nearly an adult, but not quite...........We all get fed up one way or another with our appearances and want to change something..........And as is common, the hair kops the first blow to independency!

Yes this week has been a mass of hair dye and expense! Firstly the purchasing of a much moidered for light blond dye, then when that was not quite what one wanted...Came the next trip to the hairdressing suppliers for a oooh expensive recovery colour!

Yes, my daughter has entered the dreaded teenage, adolescent phase of hair dying! Argh!

Thankfully I have been there, and still in there.........hair dying is in my blood, and seems to have been transported through the genes into my child........Whose ability to want complete change seems to change just as frequently as the good old British weather.

Hair colouring and style can alter the appearance so quickly and sometimes drastically that the new found mirror reflection can be more of a shock than a surprise........As she found out this week! And after oooh about three hours of colouring and then recolouring, we are now back the way she started, which amazingly isn't what she wanted in the beginning..........Kids!

This is one of the perks of growing up and experimenting! Thankfully mum is on hand to make good some mistakes and ofcourse operate the purse!

After what felt like a very repetative trip around the Centre of Preston, at last it happened....... Yes, the locating of the trusty, modern day version of the ol'elasticated pant!

Thankgod, I am now in possession of not one but two pairs of comfortable and actually wearable maternity pants, and neither look old fashioned nor 'rent a tent' style!  Fab!  The trek was worth it! We finally ended the long search in Next, a shop I admit to never using normally....But they do have a small but good maternity section, with trousers that amazingly do fit!

So now thankgod I can go on my hols next week and have at least two pairs to trousers to my name! Even if when my top is raised up they do have a very close resemblance to a cross between Simon Cowell and a empty netball net!

So, in conlusion, if any ladies out there are struggling with the locating of materity wear, my sugestion is Next for the lower half of you, and practically anywhere else for the top half!

Alison

Everyday I wake up slightly different!

I am now 17weeks pregnant, with a tummy the size of what feels like a large football!

Fourteen years ago when I had my first baby, my body and mind must have been much the same as now, but as the years have gone on, I have forgotton! And so now everyday I feel different, and it feels like the first time all over again.

Every night I roll around the bed trying to find the most comfortable place to land in, and I have more cushions and pillows that are necessary I am sure! My partner, well he goes to bed knowing now that there will be little sleep, and not for the thoughts of hanky panky either lol, just me, rolling from side to side, and then finding a comfy spot,staying put in it for five minutes and then up for my first trip to the loo! One of many I may add!

I remember having a constant crave for strawberry milkshake with my first child, this time, it is fruit, any fruit really.....The worst being Pomegranate juice......the what feels like the most expensive fruit juice in the supermarket! And with a litre a day going down my throat, Tesco and Morrisions are rubbing their hands!

Clothing  - Yes  moan! They don't fit any more! Ah, now I am hunting the shops for stretchy pants that are comfy, a thought that had well never entered my head ever for fourteen years lol! The maternity pants are too big, the normal pants are too small or just not the right shape, so what am I to wear?......Tesco black stretchy trousers,ah! There is no way I am under dressing now at my age, no chance, I have spent fourteen years finding myself after the birth of my first baby, and at 35 there is no chance that I am prepared to slob it out for the next five months, growing bigger and bigger and wearing an old tracky or worse still, a pair of hand - me - down dungaree's...No chance! So yet again for the third consecutive saturday I am entering the very busy Preston town centre for another spend......Steve, wheres the debit card? lol!

I love that feeling you first get when the baby moves, I have been able to feel a little flutter for about two weeks now, and sometimes it is quite strong now, at least it is a fact then in my mind that there is definately a baby growing in there and I am not just plonking weight on dramatically and getting ...Ah! Fat!  Weight watcher's here I come after!.....No chance, I have never paid in my life for weight loss, and never will, I shall exercise and do my normal everyday usual things at the same time as look after my little bundle of joy, and hope that any extra weight I have left comes off of its own free will! The thoughts of standing on those scales and some hypocritical woman telling I've either been a good girl or a greedy cow in the week doesn't appeal! I have never really had weight issues, I guess I am one of the lucky ones, who up to now has been blessed with the fact I can eat kfc or Mcdonalds and not have to weep into the bathroom scales later. But this time is different, I am older, and the weight may not slip off as easy, who knows, but i know one thing........I will not be wearing a pair of tesco stretchy pants to my christmas dinner this year no matter what!

Ah the joys of being pregnant! ((love it really!!))

It does take a special sort of person, male or female to take on another persons children, and treat them equally as their own. No matter how easy it may seem to love a child, it does make a difference that the child may not physically be your own, though the rewards can be just as fullfilling.

We all know how good a child is at surveying the tactics to use with adults, we all realise that kids operate sneakiness like it's an art form against the niave grown ups, and as such the would be parent whether it be their natural parent or step-parent sometimes don't stand a chance. Kids are brilliant at using a situation to benefit themselves, by playing parents off against eachother or just playing on the would-be sympathy vote..........So, yes in my opinion it does take a special and dedicated person to willingly and lovingly take on someone elses children.

It becomes harder to deal with a split-level family when another child arrives, as there times when the step child may feel pushed to one side or not treated as equal by the step-parent........This is a very difficult situation, and one that usually occurs accidentally, but the consequences can be devastating to the child and and traumatic to a families contentness.

If anyone would like to add an opinion or leave a personal experience, please feel more than welcome.

Alison xx

They say that moving house is up there right at the top of the pile when it comes to stress and upset! Well yes I have to agree........The house moving process no matter how apparently smooth is very tiring, stressful and emotionally draining!

We, as a family have just moved house, and now we are the proud owners of a larger,more practical property, one that we as a family can grow in, and hopefully in time gain extra capital in also.........But, and I have to say this very bluntly....NEVER MOVE HOUSE EVER WHEN YOU ARE EXPECTING A BABY! If anyone ever asked me if it was easy - then hell no, it was not! It is frustrating, and hideously tiring, and what can you do to help? Nothing! All I have done is do the paper work, ringing around changing addresses etc,and more importantly - get in the way! There is nothing that can be done to practically help when you are pregnant....I would now suggest to anyone attempting to move and carrying a wee baby - 'Go away for the weekend, or until its done, and then come back when you can enjoy the new house - DO NOT try and be of any help!'

How many items can be dropped on a floor that cannot be reached? I have spent the entire time of moving asking my teenage daughter could she just pick such a thing up - very, very frustrating! .....I suppose right now she is probably feeling that she is more of a 'pick me up' than a daughter, poor girl!

Anyway, we are in the house, boxes and bags are still in a heap, but we are here, and so is my bump, so I guess we must have succeeded! Three weeks to go, and I do hope there isn't a day longer, I am desperate to be able to see and hold this little bundle of joy that has been partially the reason for this hideous move. Twenty one days and counting!

Alison xx

After a numbers of years and plenty of, not only emotional but physical proof, is marriage the final commitment?

Is marriage the be all and end all? Do we really need that piece of paper that clarifys legally that we are bound together? Or should love and trust etc be enough?

I always felt that marriage was the final page in the relationship book.......Where that little piece of paper would seal a couple forever, but now these days I feel unsure........Is marriage the final emotional commitment, or the final financial commitment?  I know with absolute surity that no ring would slip on my finger no matter how much money was a possibilty....... Love and want would only be the logical reason for me to even contemplate marriage, if I had a mere shadow of doubt, marriage would not even come into my vocabulary.

Realising the growing trend of the 'living together' situation, there is with good reason why this is so popular, as that little piece of paper can offer, yes... financial stability, but also a wealth of legal battles.........This is only one perspective........

Where would we stand if we 'lived in sin' indefinately with no legal paper work and a breal up was a possibility? Not on such stable grounds.........Which does then ask the question again, does a small sheet of legal paper work offer such a good financial support to either party, that marriage is the favourable option?

Everyone has a right to an opinion on this subject, as we all see things in a different light........And there really is no emotional right and wrong, but there obviousley is a financial balance that sways gently in the breeze.

Marriage is the final emotional commitment in my eyes, but not one that I personally wish to dive head long into in any rush.......One that will take place only when we as a couple are ready. My love isn't measured by paper work nor money, my commitment is measured only through my voluntary willingness to be faithful and honest, and the rings which represent all this will only be exchanged when we both feel the time is right, and not before.

Financial support and stability is unavoidably needed for all parties in a long term live-in relationship, as both individuals have a right to own what they have invested in their future, which is only fair, whether it be an emotional investment or a cash deposit.

Any opinions and comments are welcome on this topic............

Yours

Alison xx

If you give love to people then surely you have a right to expect love back?

But what happens when you truly feel you are not worthy of accepting the love people offer?

Lack of self confidence and self worth is a terrible and emotionally corrosive problem, that is so common amongst men and women alike. The problem that arises from the feeling of low self esteem is that other people perceive you in this way, of which transpires in that they receive only the type of life and love that they feel they are worthy of, which is practically nothing!

A life hindered by this awful dark cloud that says you are not as good as the next person, or not worthy of the person who you are with, will undoubtably end in turmoil and upset. How does a person live and react to another person who continually undermines themselves? Some partners will go out of their way to try their best to lift the confidence of their low esteem other half, trying to help them gain a little more pleasure out of life and allowing them growth to try and expand their confidence. And then there are some partners who will take full advantage of the situation, using the problem to gain a kind of emotion control over them, and therefore in time not only making their 'partner' worse than they originally was, but often leaving them in an emotion wreck state for other people who actually do care, to pick up the pieces.

Confidence isn't something that comes naturally to some people, and for those amongst us who are blessed with the natural ability to stand up and be counted for with ease, then I say 'You are one of the lucky ones', as the highest proportion of use have had to fight our way to feel an element of self worth, using each of lifes knock backs as a rung on the ladder to hopeful self preservation.

Surely everyone who gives, is due something in return?  As everyone in my eyes are only equal, not better, not worse, just equal.......Which means in my world I expect to be treated to a certain standard of respect and emotional feeling, only the same as what I give unconditionally.

It is hard to respect someone who gives off vibes of not expecting to receive any, but as I say, in my eyes everyone who is of at least reasonable character is entitled to be treated as good as the next. Not everybody feels as I do, and as such will disrespect a person who does not command even a portion of self respect, and only because they feel they are not worthy of it.....Rubbish, we are all worthy of something, worthy of receiving something back if we have given it in the first place.

I truly wish there was an injection created that was easily administered to a lacking in confidence person, that would literally inject life / self worth / Self repect / confidence / emotional stability into their body and help them release the anguish they feel.

I would like to feel that I do respect people, some more than others admitting, but I do have enough self confidence to be able to say that to get respect one has to earn it............And some people arn't having to earn it through being bad, but through being too emotionally trodden on.

The one person who you can rely on the most to look after yourself is YOURSELF! Because, self preservation has to kick in at some point!!

Alison xx

How often do we ever get time to ourselves?  

As a mum we assume we will never have two minutes to ourselves, it just doesn't happen, because as soon as the children are tucked up in bed, we find something else to do that we couldn't do during the day.

How often over the years do we allow our offspring to share our bath, or sit on the toilet seat and talk to us (or worse) whilst we bathe? Never have I felt I have had a day to myself in the last fourteen years, not that I have bothered, to be honest, I have actually got so used to the lack of me time and the company of my child that after school holidays have finished and the kids go back, I feel 'in missing'....Lost because I do have this extra time on my hands....Lost because I haven't got my little friend by my side.

Amazingly over the last few weeks I have accumulated some free time, which has become a shock to ones system, and a quite nice pleasant change.

Fourteen years old now means, one goes to high school and is able to walk home, when ones legs are oiled and syked up for the event ofcourse! It also means that at fourteen you don't always require the complete attention of your mum, and can fullfill your own spare time doing things that teenagers do, in this case, watch t.v, work on her laptop and listen to music. But it also means that at some stage this child is going to start not needing me as much, which although I do appreciate my now found free time, will leave me with a void that I dread to think will feel strange and odd.........

Now we are at the stage that goes something like: She is allowed to enter the bathroom when I am in there, no matter what it is I am in there for! - I am only allowed in there when she is in there first as long as it isn't even the slightest bit embarrassing!  So basically although she must still see me in the same light, she see's herself somewhat differently! Isn't it a shame we all have to grow up!

My daughter has been and still is the best friend I will ever have, she has ben nothing but a credit to me, in her school work and homelife, her ability and willingness to be helpful and loving has been second to none, which for this day and age is unbelieveable. She has never spent her evenings lurking around shop door ways attempting to be at the very least intimidating or a nuisance, and if she does swear when in the company of her school friends, which I suppose she does, I never hear it, which again is beyond my expectations.

My child is growing up, and although I /we have another half way to being out in the open world and joining our little clan, I am quickly seeing how my once little girl is now becoming a young woman, who makes choices herself, some which are good, some which even she will admit are a little dodgy! My daughter is learning quickly how to take care of herself and make her own decisions.

If this little bundle of joy that I have been carrying now for five months follows in any of her big sisters footsteps then I/we shall be proud and happy, if this new baby doesn't look at her big sister and think 'wow!' then I will be amazed......As I have already pre-warned my daughter that her new little sister will be running everywhere after her and pinching all her things, trying to copy how she dresses, and imitate her ways.

So, hmmmmm, where will my free time be? Well, probably spent running after a certain little person who is sporting my older daughters make up or jewellery, and legging it down the drive way!.....Sat sharing my bath yet again!.....Watching the next generation grow and learn!

Alison xx

For Jess, 

As if you didn't already know, which I know you do...... Your mum and Steve are so proud of you, not just for your school work and exam results, but for being such a special, helpful kid!   Love always from Mum xxxxxx

There comes a time in everyones life when a family member or friend will be in need of a shoulder to cry on.

How do you help someone who gives off vibes of not wanting to fix their situation?

Today my closest friend's life is going into turmoil, and as to be expected, caused by a relationship breakdown. How can we help someone who can't find the strength to fight their own battle?

My friend and I have been through many, many ups and downs together, we have laughed and we definately cried together, we have attempted not to judge, which isn't always easy, as at some point we will not agree with their decisions that they make, especially when you can foresee future turmoil.

I know in the past she has stuck by my side when I have needed her, she's listened when I have moaned and cried, she's seen me go through hell and back all because ' I knew best!'.........Not that she sat quietly and didn't offer her view! But all the same she has been there with a shoulder.

Now I sit and watch her go through yet another session of hell, and yes again caused by a relationship going down the tubes. But going through hell and fighting back I can understand, but going through hell and near enough literally asking for more is unreal. No one can force someone to do anything, but if only I could inject some self preservation into her I would have left happier today. Emotional abuse is sometimes far worse than physical, and to sit and see someone you care about practically pin a sign on themselves saying ' Give it to me again'  is unreal........But no one can ever account for how that particular person feels about the other party involved......How much does someone love someone in order to let them keep on hurting you?  Love truly must conquer all!

About three or four years ago I suddenly awoke from what feels like a relationship coma to be able to open my eyes and see the wood for the tree's. Maybe I have gone emotionally tougher,I don't think so, but maybe I have decided enough is enough, and self-worth kicked in.......No one is important enough nor should be able to ruin another person's future and life.........And anyone who tries isn't worth the paper their name is written on!

At some stage I want my friend to feel self-worth.........To look in the mirror and see herself looking back saying ' Let's get on with it and I'm doing it for me!' 

My friend has the right to be happy, as we all do, but finding it is the hard part. I want the best for her, but sometimes the frustration does get the better of me! No one can force self-worth into someone, and if you don't respect yourself then who will?

If you are reading this, and you know who you are!!!  You mean the world to me, and I just want you to find the strength not to just walk away, but to turn round and be able to say ' We're starting a new life, you are part of the old one, and I deserve better! Take care and see ya round!'

You have all the qualities that you need to be happy, and be loved! And from me to you matey, please realise you are worth so much more than you think!

Love from   Alison xxx

I suppose I did the same..........As a teenager, nearly an adult, but not quite...........We all get fed up one way or another with our appearances and want to change something..........And as is common, the hair kops the first blow to independency!

Yes this week has been a mass of hair dye and expense! Firstly the purchasing of a much moidered for light blond dye, then when that was not quite what one wanted...Came the next trip to the hairdressing suppliers for a oooh expensive recovery colour!

Yes, my daughter has entered the dreaded teenage, adolescent phase of hair dying! Argh!

Thankfully I have been there, and still in there.........hair dying is in my blood, and seems to have been transported through the genes into my child........Whose ability to want complete change seems to change just as frequently as the good old British weather.

Hair colouring and style can alter the appearance so quickly and sometimes drastically that the new found mirror reflection can be more of a shock than a surprise........As she found out this week! And after oooh about three hours of colouring and then recolouring, we are now back the way she started, which amazingly isn't what she wanted in the beginning..........Kids!

This is one of the perks of growing up and experimenting! Thankfully mum is on hand to make good some mistakes and ofcourse operate the purse!

After what felt like a very repetative trip around the Centre of Preston, at last it happened....... Yes, the locating of the trusty, modern day version of the ol'elasticated pant!

Thankgod, I am now in possession of not one but two pairs of comfortable and actually wearable maternity pants, and neither look old fashioned nor 'rent a tent' style!  Fab!  The trek was worth it! We finally ended the long search in Next, a shop I admit to never using normally....But they do have a small but good maternity section, with trousers that amazingly do fit!

So now thankgod I can go on my hols next week and have at least two pairs to trousers to my name! Even if when my top is raised up they do have a very close resemblance to a cross between Simon Cowell and a empty netball net!

So, in conlusion, if any ladies out there are struggling with the locating of materity wear, my sugestion is Next for the lower half of you, and practically anywhere else for the top half!

Alison

Everyday I wake up slightly different!

I am now 17weeks pregnant, with a tummy the size of what feels like a large football!

Fourteen years ago when I had my first baby, my body and mind must have been much the same as now, but as the years have gone on, I have forgotton! And so now everyday I feel different, and it feels like the first time all over again.

Every night I roll around the bed trying to find the most comfortable place to land in, and I have more cushions and pillows that are necessary I am sure! My partner, well he goes to bed knowing now that there will be little sleep, and not for the thoughts of hanky panky either lol, just me, rolling from side to side, and then finding a comfy spot,staying put in it for five minutes and then up for my first trip to the loo! One of many I may add!

I remember having a constant crave for strawberry milkshake with my first child, this time, it is fruit, any fruit really.....The worst being Pomegranate juice......the what feels like the most expensive fruit juice in the supermarket! And with a litre a day going down my throat, Tesco and Morrisions are rubbing their hands!

Clothing  - Yes  moan! They don't fit any more! Ah, now I am hunting the shops for stretchy pants that are comfy, a thought that had well never entered my head ever for fourteen years lol! The maternity pants are too big, the normal pants are too small or just not the right shape, so what am I to wear?......Tesco black stretchy trousers,ah! There is no way I am under dressing now at my age, no chance, I have spent fourteen years finding myself after the birth of my first baby, and at 35 there is no chance that I am prepared to slob it out for the next five months, growing bigger and bigger and wearing an old tracky or worse still, a pair of hand - me - down dungaree's...No chance! So yet again for the third consecutive saturday I am entering the very busy Preston town centre for another spend......Steve, wheres the debit card? lol!

I love that feeling you first get when the baby moves, I have been able to feel a little flutter for about two weeks now, and sometimes it is quite strong now, at least it is a fact then in my mind that there is definately a baby growing in there and I am not just plonking weight on dramatically and getting ...Ah! Fat!  Weight watcher's here I come after!.....No chance, I have never paid in my life for weight loss, and never will, I shall exercise and do my normal everyday usual things at the same time as look after my little bundle of joy, and hope that any extra weight I have left comes off of its own free will! The thoughts of standing on those scales and some hypocritical woman telling I've either been a good girl or a greedy cow in the week doesn't appeal! I have never really had weight issues, I guess I am one of the lucky ones, who up to now has been blessed with the fact I can eat kfc or Mcdonalds and not have to weep into the bathroom scales later. But this time is different, I am older, and the weight may not slip off as easy, who knows, but i know one thing........I will not be wearing a pair of tesco stretchy pants to my christmas dinner this year no matter what!

Ah the joys of being pregnant! ((love it really!!))

It does take a special sort of person, male or female to take on another persons children, and treat them equally as their own. No matter how easy it may seem to love a child, it does make a difference that the child may not physically be your own, though the rewards can be just as fullfilling.

We all know how good a child is at surveying the tactics to use with adults, we all realise that kids operate sneakiness like it's an art form against the niave grown ups, and as such the would be parent whether it be their natural parent or step-parent sometimes don't stand a chance. Kids are brilliant at using a situation to benefit themselves, by playing parents off against eachother or just playing on the would-be sympathy vote..........So, yes in my opinion it does take a special and dedicated person to willingly and lovingly take on someone elses children.

It becomes harder to deal with a split-level family when another child arrives, as there times when the step child may feel pushed to one side or not treated as equal by the step-parent........This is a very difficult situation, and one that usually occurs accidentally, but the consequences can be devastating to the child and and traumatic to a families contentness.

If anyone would like to add an opinion or leave a personal experience, please feel more than welcome.

Alison xx

They say that moving house is up there right at the top of the pile when it comes to stress and upset! Well yes I have to agree........The house moving process no matter how apparently smooth is very tiring, stressful and emotionally draining!

We, as a family have just moved house, and now we are the proud owners of a larger,more practical property, one that we as a family can grow in, and hopefully in time gain extra capital in also.........But, and I have to say this very bluntly....NEVER MOVE HOUSE EVER WHEN YOU ARE EXPECTING A BABY! If anyone ever asked me if it was easy - then hell no, it was not! It is frustrating, and hideously tiring, and what can you do to help? Nothing! All I have done is do the paper work, ringing around changing addresses etc,and more importantly - get in the way! There is nothing that can be done to practically help when you are pregnant....I would now suggest to anyone attempting to move and carrying a wee baby - 'Go away for the weekend, or until its done, and then come back when you can enjoy the new house - DO NOT try and be of any help!'

How many items can be dropped on a floor that cannot be reached? I have spent the entire time of moving asking my teenage daughter could she just pick such a thing up - very, very frustrating! .....I suppose right now she is probably feeling that she is more of a 'pick me up' than a daughter, poor girl!

Anyway, we are in the house, boxes and bags are still in a heap, but we are here, and so is my bump, so I guess we must have succeeded! Three weeks to go, and I do hope there isn't a day longer, I am desperate to be able to see and hold this little bundle of joy that has been partially the reason for this hideous move. Twenty one days and counting!

Alison xx

After a numbers of years and plenty of, not only emotional but physical proof, is marriage the final commitment?

Is marriage the be all and end all? Do we really need that piece of paper that clarifys legally that we are bound together? Or should love and trust etc be enough?

I always felt that marriage was the final page in the relationship book.......Where that little piece of paper would seal a couple forever, but now these days I feel unsure........Is marriage the final emotional commitment, or the final financial commitment?  I know with absolute surity that no ring would slip on my finger no matter how much money was a possibilty....... Love and want would only be the logical reason for me to even contemplate marriage, if I had a mere shadow of doubt, marriage would not even come into my vocabulary.

Realising the growing trend of the 'living together' situation, there is with good reason why this is so popular, as that little piece of paper can offer, yes... financial stability, but also a wealth of legal battles.........This is only one perspective........

Where would we stand if we 'lived in sin' indefinately with no legal paper work and a breal up was a possibility? Not on such stable grounds.........Which does then ask the question again, does a small sheet of legal paper work offer such a good financial support to either party, that marriage is the favourable option?

Everyone has a right to an opinion on this subject, as we all see things in a different light........And there really is no emotional right and wrong, but there obviousley is a financial balance that sways gently in the breeze.

Marriage is the final emotional commitment in my eyes, but not one that I personally wish to dive head long into in any rush.......One that will take place only when we as a couple are ready. My love isn't measured by paper work nor money, my commitment is measured only through my voluntary willingness to be faithful and honest, and the rings which represent all this will only be exchanged when we both feel the time is right, and not before.

Financial support and stability is unavoidably needed for all parties in a long term live-in relationship, as both individuals have a right to own what they have invested in their future, which is only fair, whether it be an emotional investment or a cash deposit.

Any opinions and comments are welcome on this topic............

Yours

Alison xx

If you give love to people then surely you have a right to expect love back?

But what happens when you truly feel you are not worthy of accepting the love people offer?

Lack of self confidence and self worth is a terrible and emotionally corrosive problem, that is so common amongst men and women alike. The problem that arises from the feeling of low self esteem is that other people perceive you in this way, of which transpires in that they receive only the type of life and love that they feel they are worthy of, which is practically nothing!

A life hindered by this awful dark cloud that says you are not as good as the next person, or not worthy of the person who you are with, will undoubtably end in turmoil and upset. How does a person live and react to another person who continually undermines themselves? Some partners will go out of their way to try their best to lift the confidence of their low esteem other half, trying to help them gain a little more pleasure out of life and allowing them growth to try and expand their confidence. And then there are some partners who will take full advantage of the situation, using the problem to gain a kind of emotion control over them, and therefore in time not only making their 'partner' worse than they originally was, but often leaving them in an emotion wreck state for other people who actually do care, to pick up the pieces.

Confidence isn't something that comes naturally to some people, and for those amongst us who are blessed with the natural ability to stand up and be counted for with ease, then I say 'You are one of the lucky ones', as the highest proportion of use have had to fight our way to feel an element of self worth, using each of lifes knock backs as a rung on the ladder to hopeful self preservation.

Surely everyone who gives, is due something in return?  As everyone in my eyes are only equal, not better, not worse, just equal.......Which means in my world I expect to be treated to a certain standard of respect and emotional feeling, only the same as what I give unconditionally.

It is hard to respect someone who gives off vibes of not expecting to receive any, but as I say, in my eyes everyone who is of at least reasonable character is entitled to be treated as good as the next. Not everybody feels as I do, and as such will disrespect a person who does not command even a portion of self respect, and only because they feel they are not worthy of it.....Rubbish, we are all worthy of something, worthy of receiving something back if we have given it in the first place.

I truly wish there was an injection created that was easily administered to a lacking in confidence person, that would literally inject life / self worth / Self repect / confidence / emotional stability into their body and help them release the anguish they feel.

I would like to feel that I do respect people, some more than others admitting, but I do have enough self confidence to be able to say that to get respect one has to earn it............And some people arn't having to earn it through being bad, but through being too emotionally trodden on.

The one person who you can rely on the most to look after yourself is YOURSELF! Because, self preservation has to kick in at some point!!

Alison xx

How often do we ever get time to ourselves?  

As a mum we assume we will never have two minutes to ourselves, it just doesn't happen, because as soon as the children are tucked up in bed, we find something else to do that we couldn't do during the day.

How often over the years do we allow our offspring to share our bath, or sit on the toilet seat and talk to us (or worse) whilst we bathe? Never have I felt I have had a day to myself in the last fourteen years, not that I have bothered, to be honest, I have actually got so used to the lack of me time and the company of my child that after school holidays have finished and the kids go back, I feel 'in missing'....Lost because I do have this extra time on my hands....Lost because I haven't got my little friend by my side.

Amazingly over the last few weeks I have accumulated some free time, which has become a shock to ones system, and a quite nice pleasant change.

Fourteen years old now means, one goes to high school and is able to walk home, when ones legs are oiled and syked up for the event ofcourse! It also means that at fourteen you don't always require the complete attention of your mum, and can fullfill your own spare time doing things that teenagers do, in this case, watch t.v, work on her laptop and listen to music. But it also means that at some stage this child is going to start not needing me as much, which although I do appreciate my now found free time, will leave me with a void that I dread to think will feel strange and odd.........

Now we are at the stage that goes something like: She is allowed to enter the bathroom when I am in there, no matter what it is I am in there for! - I am only allowed in there when she is in there first as long as it isn't even the slightest bit embarrassing!  So basically although she must still see me in the same light, she see's herself somewhat differently! Isn't it a shame we all have to grow up!

My daughter has been and still is the best friend I will ever have, she has ben nothing but a credit to me, in her school work and homelife, her ability and willingness to be helpful and loving has been second to none, which for this day and age is unbelieveable. She has never spent her evenings lurking around shop door ways attempting to be at the very least intimidating or a nuisance, and if she does swear when in the company of her school friends, which I suppose she does, I never hear it, which again is beyond my expectations.

My child is growing up, and although I /we have another half way to being out in the open world and joining our little clan, I am quickly seeing how my once little girl is now becoming a young woman, who makes choices herself, some which are good, some which even she will admit are a little dodgy! My daughter is learning quickly how to take care of herself and make her own decisions.

If this little bundle of joy that I have been carrying now for five months follows in any of her big sisters footsteps then I/we shall be proud and happy, if this new baby doesn't look at her big sister and think 'wow!' then I will be amazed......As I have already pre-warned my daughter that her new little sister will be running everywhere after her and pinching all her things, trying to copy how she dresses, and imitate her ways.

So, hmmmmm, where will my free time be? Well, probably spent running after a certain little person who is sporting my older daughters make up or jewellery, and legging it down the drive way!.....Sat sharing my bath yet again!.....Watching the next generation grow and learn!

Alison xx

For Jess, 

As if you didn't already know, which I know you do...... Your mum and Steve are so proud of you, not just for your school work and exam results, but for being such a special, helpful kid!   Love always from Mum xxxxxx

There comes a time in everyones life when a family member or friend will be in need of a shoulder to cry on.

How do you help someone who gives off vibes of not wanting to fix their situation?

Today my closest friend's life is going into turmoil, and as to be expected, caused by a relationship breakdown. How can we help someone who can't find the strength to fight their own battle?

My friend and I have been through many, many ups and downs together, we have laughed and we definately cried together, we have attempted not to judge, which isn't always easy, as at some point we will not agree with their decisions that they make, especially when you can foresee future turmoil.

I know in the past she has stuck by my side when I have needed her, she's listened when I have moaned and cried, she's seen me go through hell and back all because ' I knew best!'.........Not that she sat quietly and didn't offer her view! But all the same she has been there with a shoulder.

Now I sit and watch her go through yet another session of hell, and yes again caused by a relationship going down the tubes. But going through hell and fighting back I can understand, but going through hell and near enough literally asking for more is unreal. No one can force someone to do anything, but if only I could inject some self preservation into her I would have left happier today. Emotional abuse is sometimes far worse than physical, and to sit and see someone you care about practically pin a sign on themselves saying ' Give it to me again'  is unreal........But no one can ever account for how that particular person feels about the other party involved......How much does someone love someone in order to let them keep on hurting you?  Love truly must conquer all!

About three or four years ago I suddenly awoke from what feels like a relationship coma to be able to open my eyes and see the wood for the tree's. Maybe I have gone emotionally tougher,I don't think so, but maybe I have decided enough is enough, and self-worth kicked in.......No one is important enough nor should be able to ruin another person's future and life.........And anyone who tries isn't worth the paper their name is written on!

At some stage I want my friend to feel self-worth.........To look in the mirror and see herself looking back saying ' Let's get on with it and I'm doing it for me!' 

My friend has the right to be happy, as we all do, but finding it is the hard part. I want the best for her, but sometimes the frustration does get the better of me! No one can force self-worth into someone, and if you don't respect yourself then who will?

If you are reading this, and you know who you are!!!  You mean the world to me, and I just want you to find the strength not to just walk away, but to turn round and be able to say ' We're starting a new life, you are part of the old one, and I deserve better! Take care and see ya round!'

You have all the qualities that you need to be happy, and be loved! And from me to you matey, please realise you are worth so much more than you think!

Love from   Alison xxx

I suppose I did the same..........As a teenager, nearly an adult, but not quite...........We all get fed up one way or another with our appearances and want to change something..........And as is common, the hair kops the first blow to independency!

Yes this week has been a mass of hair dye and expense! Firstly the purchasing of a much moidered for light blond dye, then when that was not quite what one wanted...Came the next trip to the hairdressing suppliers for a oooh expensive recovery colour!

Yes, my daughter has entered the dreaded teenage, adolescent phase of hair dying! Argh!

Thankfully I have been there, and still in there.........hair dying is in my blood, and seems to have been transported through the genes into my child........Whose ability to want complete change seems to change just as frequently as the good old British weather.

Hair colouring and style can alter the appearance so quickly and sometimes drastically that the new found mirror reflection can be more of a shock than a surprise........As she found out this week! And after oooh about three hours of colouring and then recolouring, we are now back the way she started, which amazingly isn't what she wanted in the beginning..........Kids!

This is one of the perks of growing up and experimenting! Thankfully mum is on hand to make good some mistakes and ofcourse operate the purse!

After what felt like a very repetative trip around the Centre of Preston, at last it happened....... Yes, the locating of the trusty, modern day version of the ol'elasticated pant!

Thankgod, I am now in possession of not one but two pairs of comfortable and actually wearable maternity pants, and neither look old fashioned nor 'rent a tent' style!  Fab!  The trek was worth it! We finally ended the long search in Next, a shop I admit to never using normally....But they do have a small but good maternity section, with trousers that amazingly do fit!

So now thankgod I can go on my hols next week and have at least two pairs to trousers to my name! Even if when my top is raised up they do have a very close resemblance to a cross between Simon Cowell and a empty netball net!

So, in conlusion, if any ladies out there are struggling with the locating of materity wear, my sugestion is Next for the lower half of you, and practically anywhere else for the top half!

Alison

Everyday I wake up slightly different!

I am now 17weeks pregnant, with a tummy the size of what feels like a large football!

Fourteen years ago when I had my first baby, my body and mind must have been much the same as now, but as the years have gone on, I have forgotton! And so now everyday I feel different, and it feels like the first time all over again.

Every night I roll around the bed trying to find the most comfortable place to land in, and I have more cushions and pillows that are necessary I am sure! My partner, well he goes to bed knowing now that there will be little sleep, and not for the thoughts of hanky panky either lol, just me, rolling from side to side, and then finding a comfy spot,staying put in it for five minutes and then up for my first trip to the loo! One of many I may add!

I remember having a constant crave for strawberry milkshake with my first child, this time, it is fruit, any fruit really.....The worst being Pomegranate juice......the what feels like the most expensive fruit juice in the supermarket! And with a litre a day going down my throat, Tesco and Morrisions are rubbing their hands!

Clothing  - Yes  moan! They don't fit any more! Ah, now I am hunting the shops for stretchy pants that are comfy, a thought that had well never entered my head ever for fourteen years lol! The maternity pants are too big, the normal pants are too small or just not the right shape, so what am I to wear?......Tesco black stretchy trousers,ah! There is no way I am under dressing now at my age, no chance, I have spent fourteen years finding myself after the birth of my first baby, and at 35 there is no chance that I am prepared to slob it out for the next five months, growing bigger and bigger and wearing an old tracky or worse still, a pair of hand - me - down dungaree's...No chance! So yet again for the third consecutive saturday I am entering the very busy Preston town centre for another spend......Steve, wheres the debit card? lol!

I love that feeling you first get when the baby moves, I have been able to feel a little flutter for about two weeks now, and sometimes it is quite strong now, at least it is a fact then in my mind that there is definately a baby growing in there and I am not just plonking weight on dramatically and getting ...Ah! Fat!  Weight watcher's here I come after!.....No chance, I have never paid in my life for weight loss, and never will, I shall exercise and do my normal everyday usual things at the same time as look after my little bundle of joy, and hope that any extra weight I have left comes off of its own free will! The thoughts of standing on those scales and some hypocritical woman telling I've either been a good girl or a greedy cow in the week doesn't appeal! I have never really had weight issues, I guess I am one of the lucky ones, who up to now has been blessed with the fact I can eat kfc or Mcdonalds and not have to weep into the bathroom scales later. But this time is different, I am older, and the weight may not slip off as easy, who knows, but i know one thing........I will not be wearing a pair of tesco stretchy pants to my christmas dinner this year no matter what!

Ah the joys of being pregnant! ((love it really!!))