Here are just some of the hundreds of letters I receive, all sent in teenagers.
I am very strict regarding publishing, only a select few letters, that I feel will be helpful to other teenagers will be published.
I do not publish names or email addresses, as this is a strictly confidential service.
Your letters and problems are safe with me! Please feel welcome to email me your letters. I answer as many as possible....Obviousely not every letter can receive a personal reply, as I write each reply individually, but I do try to answer as many as possible.
You can always trust your Auntie Alisonxx
Free Image Hosting at www.picturetrail.com



                                        
I've gotten myself into a proper pickle.
There's this guy i met a while back through a few of my friends and he has a girlfriend. the only thing is, he hates her guts but she's really clingy so he hasn't dumped her yet. he's told me he really likes me and I'm going round to his place. we both know we'll end up having sex, but nobody knows anything. not my parents, not my friends, we've had to keep it so secret. its nice being the 'mistress' so to speak, but I'm scared of him just tossing me away afterward. I've told him and he says he won't but theres also the problem of me being inexperienced. I've only had sex 2 or 3 times before and i don't know what that person thought. what if i do something wrong?
I'm just so scared of what he'll think of me.
am i being stupid about all this?

Hello
Well, I am going to be straight with you ok........

Do not get mixed up in this relationship ok! I shall tell you why:

  • You will get hurt!
  • You will never trust him!
  • You will definitely get found out and could lose friends over it!
  • Even if he does eventually dump his girlfriend, he could and probably will do it to you!
  • You will always wonder when he will do it to you, thus as I already said, causing lack of trust.

If you go through with this, you will always wonder this: ' Why did he not dump the girlfriend if she was so bad?' .......And to be honest, that wa smy first thought after reading your letter.....

I have been in this situation, except stupidly I took it further, and it would not ever happen again....You will get your fingers burnt, you will always be wondering what he's up to, and wondering why he didn't dump the girlfriend, he WILL tell you anything you want to hear, so beware!

Sex is sex chick....Raise your standard, are you not worth more than a quick bonk with someone who is probably bonking his bird too? Not a nice thought eh! If this girlfriend is so bad, why stay with her, why not get rid, because either she isn't as bad as he says, he actually likes her, he loves her, he feels sorry for her, she's fulfilling his needs, one way or the other.....Or he just likes being flattered by two women!

Being clingy is a form of flattery, whether annoying or not, so be careful!

You also would be wise to wonder how you would feel if your bloke felt as you do......That being the other woman/man in the relationship was cool! i very much doubt you would appreciate you being two timed chick....His girlfriend does not deserve this, no matter how annoying she might be....

Sorry if you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, but as a already past-experienced mistress, I can be honest and tell you the truth and how it is! YOU WILL NEVER COME FIRST, UNTIL THIS GUY DROPS THE GIRLFRIEND BEFORE DATING YOU! If you want a good start, tell him that you will consider being with him once he's single, and see what reaction you get then....If he says anything negative, he would be using you for sex!

Take care

Alisonxx


I have to confess I have never talked to an agony aunt before so I assume I just waffle on about what's bothering me.
Okay, so I have a girlfriend called Mione and we had been going out for like 10 months and then I called it off because she was just way too flirty with other guys and for ages I questioned myself "Was I just too 'clingy'". There were other reasons too, she wasn't your typical girlfriend, I love having a laugh and jokingly taking the mickey however she liked to take it too far and say stuff like "No one likes you" and "your mum hates you" which becomes very tiresome. And so I broke it up.
Now we are going back out again and it seems she is back to her old tricks. She confesses to love me and only have eyes for me but she recently went on holiday with her mates and from the pictures she obviously had a holiday romance which I am OK with, honestly, she is a young attractive girl and of course if she gets some attention she will love it. However her and this guy still seem to be very close and on "bebo" he has a picture album dedicated to her and she has put comments on saying like "Aw an album dedicated to me, how sweet xxx". It is totally winding me up and today we went out together and she just seemed a little distant and as if she wished I was someone else, and even laughed when we were going in for a kiss :
When I confronted her she just got very defensive accusing me of not trusting her and was in a strop for a couple of days until she apologized.
Should I break it up, it is really upsetting me and I wonder if she feels the same way as I do.
Am I being too clingy?
Am I an awful person!?

Hello

I cannot tell you what to do as regards your girlfriendd, but I will give you some advice and my opinion....By the way, you didn't 'waffle' too much!
Ok, ask yourself these questions:
  • Why did we break up previous?
  • Do I see any change in us as a couple this time round?
  • Am I just unhappy being single?
  • I am happier with this girl or not?
  • Does she make me happy?
  • If you can be honest with your answers I am assuming you know your own answer to the question; Should I break up with her?

    My opinion
    I don't ever really believe that second time relationships work unless you have both moved on from the first one.You can't expect this relationship to work if the person you first had problems with is still giving you the same problems...Ask yourself why you broke up and why did you get back together.
    In my opinion, you need a break, and you need a break away from this girl, so in my opinion, yes, I do believe that maybe taking a break or splitting up would be the best, for your own sanity!
Take care
Alisonxx

 

 please help me.recently when i have been straightening or blow drying my hair i have noticed quite alot of my hair (in many strands) on my lap .i dont know what to do. (i use nicky clark ceramic straightners)i hate my natural hair (wavy and a bit curly at  the ends), and i love having straight hair but i am afraid of even trying to straighten my hair in any way. what can i do?? i have dyed my hair in the past and im not sure if its to do with that..

Hello

Hair straighteners can over heat and dry out your hair if used too often ok, you shouldn't really use them everyday.
If straightened properly hair does not need straightening everyday : Section hair into small sections, this way you don't have to keep the heat of the straighteners on your sections too long, heat travels through small thinner sections quicker.
Use some serum to soften and put shine back in your hair.
Buy some thermal conditioner that you spray on your hair as your straighten, it protects your hair from over heating and burning.

The hair colouring can dry your hair out ok, this is obvious, and added to the straightening, can weaken hair....Stop the hair dying for a while, lessen the straightening and get yourself some good conditioner, a hair mask once a week would help to recondition it.

It is scary when hair comes away, and this should be a sign to quit badly treating your hair and give it some TLC, over time your hair will recover ok....It will take a while, as it has had a long time of mistreating, but it will be ok. Just don't panic, get cracking on the mending, stop the constant hairstraightening.

Hair styles sometimes do need straighteners, especially if you have wavy hair....I know this! My hair too has a will of its own and is very wavy when left to dry naturally, and as I recentl had mine cut into a pob/bob you would assume it would need straightening everyday...Nope, I blowdry it properly with a large rounded brush and I have not used my straighteners in weeks now....If you blowdry properly, you shouldn't need to straighten every day. I also KNOW this....I have been a qualified hairstylist for 20years!

Take Care

Alisonxx
I met a guy in Turkey, 1 year ago. He smiled at me in a bar and then that was it - smitten. This went on for a week and I never stopped thinking about him. After a week he blew me a kiss and we regulary exchanged smiles and blew kisses. I was only there for 2 weeks, on my last day we finally introduced ourselves, his name was Jimmy. He said he liked me so much. I never told him I was leaving so I just waved goodbye like every night. When I got back to England I was sad but optimistic at the thought of seeing him again. We went to Marbella, Spain this year which I was upset about but next year me and my family are going to Turkey again. I was so excited. I kept thinking, 'this time will be different, I'm going to make something happen, we're going to speak!' I kept fantiscising about him after that, we were already married in my mind. I regulary typed his name and the bar in google - longing to know more about him. About a week ago I found this msn group there was new pictures of the staff - but no jimmy! I asked if he still worked there and the reply back was depressing, he had left last year.
Now I cry often. Sometimes I'm fine then completey devastated. I just keep thinking and regreting, 'Why didn't I tell him it was my last day?' 'Has he forgot about me?' 'Will I ever see him again?' I tried to come to terms with the fact it will never happen - what I've been thinking about solid for a year - will never happen. I'm in the 6 weeks holidays and although I have taken up swimming, I am still unoccupied and find myself thinking about him all the time - it's driving me mad! I am now at the point of re-thinking the meaning of life? What is the point of life? I will never be eternally happy, even if he was there it would only last 2 weeks and I would be even more heartbroken! But at the same time I might then mean something to him. It's like every I feeling every emotion.
Beyond that, I have started thinking about what my life will be like - I would go to college, uni, marry after years of heartache, have children then end up like my parents - boring, no sex life, no tingle like you had when you first met your husband - all good things come to an end! I now also find my present life utterly boring and unfufiling. I fear no one will ever make me feel like I did when he was with me. I look at gorgeous, male models on adverts and think, 'you wouldn't make me as happy.' I can't ever see me being fufiled in life at all. I imagine movie star's lives and think they're unfufilling. I can only imagine happiness with Jimmy but I mean nothing to him - I am just some girl he eyed up - I am a nobody to him. Or aren't I? Am I the very reason he left? Could he not bear to ever see me again? That would devastate me even more. The only thing keeping me sane is the fact he may come back and be there smilling at me - that would be a miracle - a dream but dwelling over that would make the blow even harder. Society is also depressing me - someone's killed someone, broken britain, the prices are going up (not that I care for money) but the standard of living is going down.
I recently sent another message to the forum asking if he has permanatley left, I have this gut feeling he has and will never come back. I am waiting till I'm in school to read it, I think.
My curiosity WILL kill me one day.
I additionally fell like I'm having a mid-life crisis at the age of 15 by asking myself what the point of life is! I don't know what my main question is or whether I have one, I just would like something, any piece of advise or telling of what a stupid teenager I am. I additionally am attractive, smart, have great friends, a wonderful family and generally a great life but I can't help feeling miserable. I should be happy and I hate feeling like this when I have things teenagers wish they could have and I understand that. I am ungrateful but I don't have the ability to control my emotions, his all I want. I'm sorry about how long and pathetic this is.


Hello
Wow what a lot of complications you have got going round in your head!

I am going to list in point form to make my reply less complicated all the opinions and advice I can give you ok:

  • You didn't even have a holiday romance! So stop daydreaming and making this whole senario into some huge romance, when it never happened! You are living in hope or in a dream, which as you have realised, doesn't work! It will not help you be happy, it won't help you find Mr.Right etc, it will merely make you feel depressed.
  • You daydreamed of being married or dating this guy! This is fine, but you have to see reality for what it is: You are home now and he is, well, elsewhere!
  • Life is complicated, things are complicated, life was never meant to be easy, and so it isn't! Inflation in fuel prices are a reality, shopping costs are a reality, teenagers hanging round local shops etc are a reality....You can't stop this! If we could all stop the dulldrums don't you think we wuld have done so already?
  • As adults we learn to cope with life pressures, we have to, because aswel as pressure we have a home, a job and a family to deal with too, so maybe you should look closer to reality and see that maybe your parents aren't the Romeo and Juliet that you want to be in the future, but they work to provide for you...Ie) Taking you on holidays etc, that without their dulldrum lives you wouldn't go on! Imagine all those dull, boring and depressing news stories, actually being reality for your parents...they are the ones who feel the strain!
  • At some stage your parents will have had a reasonble sex life- who says they haven't now! How do you know what goes on behind bedroom doors! How do you think you were brought into this world! The stork that carries the babies doesn't realy exsist!
  • You said it yourself, you have an element of being ungreatful sounding off in your letter! You should look at what you do have: A home, a family, two parents, holidays....And what, you still aren't satisfied! Come on chick, you just need to get a reality check and pull yourself together! I would at this stage say " You need a cyber kick up the butt!" lol, ad have done with it!
  • You can't change what goes on around you, but you can change how you deal with it and how you react to it......There are positive things happening too, just you can't see them at the minute!

I hope this helps, and I know you probably didn't get to hear just what you wanted to hear, but you have to realise, that when growing up things aren't always exactly perfect, and each rubbish time learns us a lesson...Prepare yourself chick, you will get plenty of rubbish times as an adult too!

Take care

Alisonxx