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Name:    Fern, 19
Email:  cus_fy@hotmail.com
Message: Direct -

I am crazy about a lad that I have known since I was 13 (I used to  hang around with him but lost touch a few years ago) Now, I work near him where he lives and always see him out in town on a thursday night. One night when we were in a club he put his arms around me and went to kiss me but I had to pull away because I didn't want my older brother who I was with to see me. I explained that to him but he seemed a bit annoyed. We've been getting very friendly since and he flirts a lot with me, he has walked me home twice, and every time he sees me he can't take his eyes off me, and even gets really jealous when I talk to other boys. The only problem is he already has a girlfriend, and when my friends ask him (against my will) what he thinks of me all he says is 'I cant cheat on my girlfriend' which I admire. A couple of weeks ago a rumour started that I had been saying we were together and that he didnt care about his girlfriend (which I didnt say!) and this has got back to them ad caused a text-row with me and him. We were out one night and he was staring at me but he was with her so I stayed away from him. The next day she sent me loads of texts telling me to stay away from him cos I have no chance with him and I should stop chasing him (which I'm not!) Even after that though, he stilll stares at me all night when he sees me, even when hes hugging, kissing or talking to his girlfriend, and if she catches him doing it she starts pulling him away. And I'm not just saying it but he seems to be getting more fed up of her as he pushes her away, and I have heard him talking about her like he doesnt care about her. This whole mess is really upsetting me because I have started to fall in love with him, even though he doesnt seem like that nice a person anymore! I want to talk to him to find out what is going on, even if it means nothing will ever happen between us. I dont want him to cheat on her or finish with her for me, I just need some clarity, but I dont know what to say to him because I feel I dont have the right to order him to tell me. Is there anything I can do because it's driving me mad to see him and have to watch him staring at me all night when I cant do anything about it? I just want to feel at least a little in control again! I'm sorry this is so long but please help, I have no-one to turn to as my friends and family dont seem to are as they think this is just a trivial thing. But this isnt just puppy love or a crush, I have felt the real thing before in a 2 and a half year relationship and I know this feeling wont go away.

Hello Fern

Sorry I do usually respond within 24hrs max, but even an agony aunt has to do a hen party for a weekend!

Ok, you problem............

I am going to be straight with you here:

Firstly, this boy, well at nineteen years of age, should now be approaching being a man, is playing with you!

If this problem that you are having was happening to a friend of yours, what would you be saying to her?

If this 'boy' was being fair then fine, but he is playing with two people here, you & his girlfriend. When you say he seems to have less feeling for her, remember ....she is human and may well love him, so you feeling the way you do, isn't allowing for her at all, and she got to him first, not you! If he didn't want to be with her, think about it....why is he still with her? Why has he not dumped her for you? Does he like/enjoy the attention?

In my opinion, and I have been sort of in a similar situation a few years ago, though admitting that I was a little older and so was he, so should of known better myself lol, STAY CLEAR! This lad is enjoying the thrill of two women after him, and who would't? It is flattering!

If you want this lad, let him come to you! When he is good and ready, if he comes willingly....with the respect that you deserve and his girlfriend does then he will close one relationship before he begins another, if he does not....he isn't worth it, honest!

Now as for the texts, well again, lets be fair here, you have sort of brought partially that on yourself, as has he, and the one person I do feel for in this situation, is his girlfriend, how would you feel if you was her? Jealous I expect, annoyed, upset and insecure! Personally I think you can do better than this lad, he obviousley likes this attention whether he admits that or not, and at the same time will be anoyed for the hassles, but lapping up your reactions, do yourself a favour, look for someone else, or at least back off altogether, no texting, no talking, no looking, no watching and definately no pining, he isn't worth it, unless he proves otherwise. Have you heard the one, offer it on a plate and they are not interested? You show that you don't care, that you've moved on and two things could happen, definately one anyway, you will become old news on the texting front, theres always more gossip etc to take over from yours, and secondly....he could come to you properly because he thinks he can't have you! Men want more things that they can't have!

You seem a nice girl, sensitive and gentle, don't let yourself be played, nobody is worth that! You have respect for yourself here to think about, and he is lapping all this up, how would you feel if you thought he was laughing? I would be livid, so do not give in to it!

I hope I have helped a little, life is hard sometimes,it is all part of growing up,and he hasn't been able to do that yet, so you do it first!

Good luck Fern.

From  Alison

Name:    Liza Marie
Email:  GothicPoisonGirl@aol.com
Message: Hi Alison
Im 19 years old and i have been with my 40 year old boyfriend for six months...at first i really loved being with him but now i feel like im being smothered by him! we dont go out we dont do anything we just sit in front of the tv all nite, i hate this and im just wondering should i end this now before i get too unhappy?

thanks Liza Marie