Please feel welcome to browse through just a few of my received FREETALK letters. All freetalk letters are treated equally in priority to full paid letters, but with the possibility of publication here. Obviousley I cannot publish all freetalk letters, but here are just a few for you to read! If you would like a freetalk reply please contact me in the usual way through my contact page and choose the FREETALK paypal option in my checkout, all freetalk replies are charged at a minimal cost, to make contacting your online agony aunt inexpensive!

Now, please feel welcome to read these published letters. Remember you are always welcome to contact your personal online agony aunt Alison xxxx

Freetalk agony aunt letters

NAME: Lorraine

Email add: Asked to be anon.

 Hi. I am having many difficulties in my life at the moment but one main one that seems to have a bearing on the rest of them, and I feel so lost and alone that I have no one to turn to. Please email me back soon.

I love my boyfriend, we are quite happy, as happy as any other couple I know anyway, we have our ups and downs, we are not perfect, but we do ok. My problem isn't really with him, well not really anyway, I think the problem I sense coming is with me, and I feel all mixed up and confused by how I feel, and have no one to talk to, my friends and family would not want to listen and they would maybe feel I was just having 'one of my stressy times'.

I feel so confused. And I feel embarrassed too. Am finding typing this very difficult. But I do want some advice please. I am unsure whether my sexuality is quite as clear as I thought it was, I love my boyfriend, I do, and I fancy him also, but sometimes, well nearly every time we have sex I fantasise about being with a woman, I imagine graphic pictures of myself and another woman having full sex, is this normal? I can't see how I can be straight and yet only get turned on by thoughts of being gay, what is going on, I can’t understand it. My boyfriend has no idea, he thinks he gets me going, and he does with touching, but my eyes are closed and my mind is elsewhere straight away, he thinks he makes me come, but he only does if I imagine very graphic sexual acts with women, I come every time I masturbate and very easily, as I can just relax and be able to think about what it is a what to.

I don't know what to do, he doesn't know, and I don't want to hurt him, but I keep wondering if I am gay now, could I be? Or is this normal? Please just be honest, as I have nothing to lose, no one else to talk to, my family would be disgusted if I told them all this.

 

Reply

Hello Lorraine

 Firstly, you probably are quite confused right now, you are experiencing fantasies that to you feel wrong. But remember, these are exactly that, fantasies.....Unless you have gone one stage further and actually had physical sexual contact with a  woman, and from your letter, it appears you have not.

Do not get upset from your fantasies, it is only your imagination running away for a while. Why not talk to your boyfriend about them, if he is quite open minded, which a lot of men are, he may well like the topic of your fantasies, he may well want to help you enjoy them too, and why not, you are doing nothing wrong, you are not being unfaithful, you love and have sexual feelings for your boyfriend, why should you not be allowed a little fantasy time.

How do you know your boyfriend does not have fantasies too? He may have sexual dreams and fantasies that he keeps secret from you too, why not ask him what is his fantasy, I am sure we all have one, I know I do!

Don't be afraid to let your imagination run riot for a while, there is enough serious stuff in day to day living as it is!

Ok, that was the fantasy part. Where yes I do believe you are quite normal, it is said that over 78% of women have had some sort of fantasy involving another woman.

What I do need to stress though is.... Are you / do you find yourself looking at women, in a different way? If the answer is no, then ok, you are experiencing nothing but normal sexual fantasies, but if your answer is yes then this is a different situation altogether. If you do feel drawn to women, or have ever felt attracted then you do have to be careful, as your own sexuality then becomes in question. As you do still fancy, as you say, your boyfriend, and you do feel able and the desire to kiss and make love with him, but you also feel attracted to a woman/women then this could mean you are possibly bisexual.

You have not expressed any feelings in this matter to me in your email, more feelings towards your boyfriend, so unless you have kept some emotional info to yourself, I can only assume you do not have any physical attraction to women.

If you would like to contact me further regarding this matter, or would like to expand on your email, please feel very welcome, and I shall contact you privately by email.

I hope I have been able to help you Lorraine, because if all you truly are experiencing are fantasies, then.....Smile, and enjoy them! You are quite normal!

Take care

From

Alison

 

 

Dear Alison

 

Please help. I am unsure of the paternity of my 'son',  I have always brought the little boy up to be mine, as my son's mother and I have been in a relationship for some years, and of course his paternity never came into discussion, I assumed, as anyone would do, that he is mine. Now, I find out from a family friend that she had a one night stand with a man who we both know, at the same time as we were together, and my son could be his, I know I should not believe hearsay, but it has put massive doubts in my mind and I am so angry and confused, we are still together but this is coming between us, she denies everything, our mutual friend says it is all true, who do I believe? My life and future hangs in the balance and I don’t know what to do.

Where do I start, do I try and ignore this accusation or do I take it seriously? Any help would be good.

Thanks Andy.

 

Reply:

Hello Andy

Yes a bad time for you right now, agreed you are bound to be confused and angry.

My first thought on reading your email was;

 How is your mutual friend so sure your partner has cheated?

Why has it taken him so long for him to tell you this revelation?

Why now? Why has he decided now is the right time to tell all?

Does your friend have anything to gain by possibly splitting the two of you up?

Are you going to risk your relationship on hearsay?

Does your little boy and partner not mean more to you than the 'talk' from a ‘'friend'?

Have you never ever considered before that your son may not be yours?

Has your partner given you cause for suspicion?

 

Andy, you have to ask yourself all these questions, this is serious, and this revelation has come years into an established relationship, and one that could potentially come crashing down around you if you are wrong, so you must be careful.

If you are so convinced that your son may not be yours and you are willing to risk all, then you must discuss this theory with your partner, as the truly only way to tell will be through DNA, and she will have to consent also. I personally would tread carefully, because if this is proven to be incorrect you face risking your future and your family, after all, you would be doubting her, taking another person's word over hers and showing no trust.

Decide what is most important to you, and think hard, your family are on the line here.

You could always tell your partner what your mutual friend has said, and watch her reaction. I am not saying do not try and get to the bottom of this accusation, but what I am saying is, be aware that you are only possibly threatening the future of your family on hearsay, and remember, your partner has not given you any reason to doubt her! Trust does mean everything!

 

I Hope this helps Andy, as you obviousley have some hard thinking to do, please tread carefully, you have alot to lose!

 

From Alison