Diaries are supposed to be sacred and private.....But here at It's Worth Asking I bring you my diary! A chance to read into the life of an agony aunt!!

Is there something on your mind? Is there a problem or dilemma that keeps rearing its head? Don't just sit back and worry about it....Ask Alison, there is always a solution! Real life answers to real life problems. One 2 one help online.

Now,please enjoy my diaries.

Alisonxx


SEPTEMBER 6TH 2007

Hmmm, what can I say, I am 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant, tired and feeling slightly under the weather today, headaches and generally tired, suppose this is quite normal at this stage.
I miss my daughter Jess alot during the day since she has gone back to school, the house feels empty and I get bored easy too! One of the perks of being a compulsive house tidier and continuous thriver on chores etc! Now I am attached solely to my pc and Jeremy Kyle!!
At present I cannot make plans for anything, as I do not know what will happen from one minute to the next,all I know is this lil baby is wiggling around continuous and seems to enjoy a good session of frantic movements to music, of which  the scissor sisters appear to be favourite!
I am at the moment attempting to sort out my car problems also, as a nice man decided to bump by little car on tuesday and now I am having a string of motor orientated phone calls. Not the best time to have a little accident, but at least no one was hurt! My little baby decided even through that, that the time wasn't right to make an appearance, and so stayed put!
My hospital appointment went well yesterday, and they say my baby is heading south, which is good news, so at least she has the right idea which way to come out! Up until this week she has been too lazy to budge and been lying transverse, which could have proved impossible to pop out! All labour ideas cause an eye watering experience, but a side wards baby could have been something I would not like to imagine!!
Now I am off to go and pick up my teenage rebel from school, who has not yet discovered the use for legs! And then a very, very quick trip to Tesco and B&Q, ah the joys of maternity leave!

SEPTEMBER 15TH 2007

I have now got into a new routine. A new baby does that to you! Your life suddenly gets a whole new perspective and meaning. Time becomes very precious and a little me time becomes even more so.
This little bundle of joy has engulfed my life / our life with such energy that everything I thought was important before has now taken a step back.
Maisie had her first health visitor check today, and is gaining weight nicely, which isn't too surprising as she imitates a baby bird at every awakening, boy can this kiddy shout when its feed time!
Now after twenty days I am waiting in for the insurance guys to come and collect my car to take for mending, so I guess that’s me vehicle-less for a few days at the very least! Not too bothered anyway, as with any new mum ( unless you are one of the select chosen few!) I need the exercise anyway, to walk off some of the excess weight and inches that the law of nature failed to warn me about again!
My partner and my elder daughter dote on Maisie, hardly surprising as we all just love her to bits, she can do no wrong, even at 3am.......and 4am.....oh and the 5am run!!
So the sun is shining here in oooh tropical Lancashire, it is a little nippy and winter is definitely heading this way, but with a new addition to out little clan, nothing else matters now!
Signing off from the agony aunt diaries for today!


OCTOBER 1ST 2007

I guess all these sleepless nights are taking their toll, oooh it's a tiring life working the nightshift and then the day shift too! Worthwhile and fab, but tiring! How does someone so small change your life so rapidly? And easily too?
This next few days my mother in law and her grand daughter are here, coming over from Northern Ireland to see the newest member of the family. I think she quite likes out little town over here in sunny Lancashire, probably because it's a novelty away from home, us........are so used to it, we flee at every opportunity to get away and shop elsewhere.

My older daughter has managed to land a day off school, says she's unwell and has headed directly back to bed, unsure whether it is an illness one can put ones finger on or the good ol'monday blues.

At the moment other than my new little daughter keeping me busy, it appears that my main outlet to civilization is through the net, which of course it nearly always has been, so no change there! What would we all do without the powers of the internet? Life would surely be different and a little hollow I would imagine.

OCTOBER 8TH 2007

Another Monday morning, my daughter has headed off for school, my partner has headed back to work, as his first session of paternity leave finishes, and we, who are joined by the invisible umbilical chord are enjoying some quiet 'us' time! So what I am about to do today....Take my little baby daughter to help me buy a new pc!!

  OCTOBER 15TH 2007

Today has been one of those hit and miss days, where your daytime hours disappear fast but you feel you haven’t actually achieved much at the end of it.
We had an oooh exciting, none eventful trip to B&Q, whippee! All in the name of apparent kitchen sink shopping! So all you guys are wrong…We women do not carry one round in our handbags! Anyway, we didn’t come home with one and still own the crappy, revoltingly coloured beige/cream/brown sort of tie dyed monstrosity that was in our house when we bought it! Lovely! As I have experienced at countless times in the past…..I heard that infamous line today “ Ah we’ll find one another day!”  Translates into “Ah never!”
My little baby has colic, and so we’ve had a trip to the doctors, hopefully the medicine will kick in quick and help, poor little might!!
Looks like we have plenty of visitors due this week, all wanting a peek at Maisie Rose.
In-between my internet work and 24/7 motherly duties I am also attempting to get a few house jobs done that I couldn't’t manage before due to being built like a weeble ( pregnant)….So I guess at the moment 24hours in a day just isn't’t enough!
Tomorrow I am off to B&Q again, hurray, for some paint brushes and some sort of strong tool that we can use to hack a triffid ivy plant out of our wall, life was never so fulfilling!!

OCTOBER 21ST 2007


The weekend is all but over yet again, not that Saturdays and Sundays are an awful lot different to any other day for me at the moment, everyday does seem to roll into one, and all that separates them is the different telly programmes lol! Jeremy Kyle just isn't on tv over the weekend!! Aw!!
So, other than watching television, yes I am doing other things, looking after my baby and my eldest daughter, shopping, internetting, doing house chores,  attempting to get a few do-it-yourself jobs done that I haven't been able to do.........Painting etc.
I am unsure about work at the moment, usually I work part time also, but I just don't feel up to the idea of extra work just yet, and god knows how I will feel when I have to leave Maisie, I think that will be hard!

We are off for tea to my mothers later, my other daughter stayed there the last two nights, do not like her away, I always fret, is part of being a mum, but do also realise she needs some free time too, maybe she's needed a day or two without a screaming baby around, who knows, I will find that out later, thankfully we have a good open relationship and can talk about anything, something a lot of parents do not have, particularly as she's heading fast towards fifteen!
I have been doing some early Christmas shopping already, usual for me that, I am always in front! Frightened the shops sell out of what I am after, plus spread the cost abit.
I am abit worried, well concerned about my friend, she's going through relationship hell, and isn't herself, who is, but she's down and looks like she's the weight of the world on her shoulders at the minute.

Anyway, lots to do, must scoot....Have a half dried head of hair to sort out before going to mums and some makeup to plonk on to attempt to hide the knackered face behind it!

OCTOBER 25TH 2007

Ah, it's hairdo day! My daughter and I are off to the hairdressers this afternoon, which to some people would be an absolute treat, to me it is just a means to an end to get ones hair sorted, as being a qualified hairdresser myself doesn't mean the thought of sitting for hours with wet hair an enticing thought, seems to me to be very hard work and tedious. Anyway, we are going and I will do my usual trip to the spar shop first to get a magazine to occupy me abit.
Maisie my little baby is off to her nana's house for a few hours as the idea of taking her to sit in the hairdressers made me nearly go green! So hopefully she will be a good girl as she's never been left before, so good luck to my mum!!
This afternoon there’s a guy coming to fix (hopefully) our garden wall, god knows how much that will cost, won't  be cheap for sure as it will take a couple of days work, the blooming wall's massive, not just an average wall!
I have been trying to spend more time with my friend at the moment, I feel she really needs some support and company at the minute and I just want her back to normal if possible. What is frustrating though is the way that sometimes you feel you are minorly banging your head against a brick wall, so to speak, as regards trying to encourage someone to fight back and start again! Yes that's how I feel, like I just want to give her some happy medicine and a dose of self confidence all in one! I know I've had my fair share of romantic troubles, who hasn't? But I got tougher and harder from it all, and learnt to higher the standards and operate the words ' no that's not good enough'..... Come on mate, if you read this, don't take it as a negative jab, you're worth far more than you give yourself credit for, don't be trampled on by someone who you want love from! Your friends and family love you for you just being you, is that not what it's all about? Being yourself! Realising your own worth and value!
Since having Maisie I  haven't just quite felt like myself yet, feel tired, over weight, out of shape etc, can't fit in many of my clothes etc, and I suppose less confident, but not in a way that would let the standards drop in the way people treat me, especially in home life... No way! We all have some standards; it just depends where you feel your own level is.

HALLOWEEN 2007

Tonight is Halloween, funny enough it is impossible to tell as we have had no children callers here in fancy dress, which in a part-pooper sort of fashion I am relieved about, as the idea of having to get up and down every five minutes to give sweeties and possible dosh out to kids that have made me rise to my feet when trying to get a certain little child to sleep wouldn't have gone down any better than a cig in a pub!

Anyway, no kiddy callers and a quiet night has been had by all!

Maisie and my little nephew Jamie and niece Millie did their first bit for the celebration of Halloween, by dressing up in fancy dress for my mums, their nana's birthday tea on Sunday, so we had a collection of Tesco bought baby Halloween outfits, pumpkins, witches and skeleton......Just too cute!

I am Christmas shopping like it's going out of fashion, difficult to know what to buy people, especially our Jess, she's spoilt already and has nearly everything any kid could want, but still I am hunting for gifts for her to open, no matter how old they get, they are still babies, and Christmas is special. This year will be a bit different, next year will be even more so, as Maisie will take probable centre stage on the Father Christmas stage. This little kid had loads of pressies already upstairs, she can't even open them yet, but who could leave her out?

My friend is still low. I want to help, I do, but who can help one who isn't really truly helping themselves?...No one can make anyone do anything they don't want to, but this is a time that she has such a unique chance to right some maybe wrongs and start again....A chance we all need sometimes, I realise how hard it is to move on, I do, no one can feel the amount of hurt and desperation you feel, no one understands enough, but really we do, cause we do, we’ve all had heartbreak, we've all had hurt and pain, who hasn't, we've all had times we've suffered at the hands of a failed relationship, but we all have to move on and get tougher, we can't just roll over and say 'hey walk over and wipe those feet on me again hunny!'  and why should we, we have a life and a right to happiness, a pity some people won't take the opportunity to grasp it by both hands. Is it possible some people only feel 'normal' if they are down? Is it even possible that moping and depression can be the way some people live? I hope not, there is a light at the end of everyone’s tunnel; the only difference is everyone’s tunnel is a different length.


BONFIRE NIGHT 2007


Oh I believe winter feels like it's arrived, chilly today! Maisie has been having me on the night shift again, so I am very tired today, hoping to have a bit of a nap later before the school run.
Going to nip into town later to get a couple of things I forgot to get on saturday.
I think maybe these continuous sleepless nights are taking their toll at the moment, I am exhausted and therefore I am quick tempered alot of the time, not intentionally, which therefore is having an influence on how my relationship is going with my partner. As I am a person who does rely on talking things through, I find it very difficult sometimes to comprehend how to deal with someone who is the opposite, again this is having an effect also, and the results are obvious....Words! And some of them not so pleasant! But I refuse to let this situation get worse, why should it, after all, tiredness comes hand in hand with babies......I know this, but I feel at the moment I maybe the only person between the two of us who fully grasps this! One cannot allow the birth of what is supposed to be an act of love, and a permanent bond between two people, have such an affect on the couple relationship we share, if our relationship suffers because of lack of patience, lack of understanding and certain lack of sleep, then surely it wasn't strong enough anyway. We shall see!
I am a much stronger person than I used to be, thankfully! These days the things that really do bother me are big things, the smaller more trivial annoyances are just that, annoying, but they don'y prey on my mind enough to get me down, maybe I have got too hard, maybe I just don't need hassles created by triviality, or maybe life is way too short to mope and worry about little things. As such I now feel that unfortunately certain things will not be allowed, nor tolerated to get to me enough to affect my life dramatically, so where in the past I may have put up with annoyances and silly arguments, and even some big issues, now... I won't....My life is exactly that, my life, and as such I intend on looking after it to the best of my ability, we all only have one shot at it! My children need and deserve a mum who loves them, but is also strong enough to stand up for herself, because if they see a mum who cannot, then how can they ever believe that their mother can stand up for them?
On a totally different subject, my blooming, or not so blooming, apple tree is waving rapidly in the garden and managing to throw a bucket full of dodgy old apples onto the ground, yes....We are raining apples here! And hopefully this will be the only year it does so, as next spring we intend on removing the tree altogether and creating a bird table out of its stump, aw!!

 

 NOVEMBER 8TH 2007

 What a horrid day for weather today, raining and blowing like mad here, and unfortunately I have to go out in a little while too! Fab!

Ooooh and it appears that my partner and I are going to make another commitment to each other, other than buying a house and having our little bundle of joy! We have been having engagement discussions over the last 24hrs!!! Well we have been together a while now, and although wedding bells aren't hovering on the horizon just yet, it would be ok to add another commitment level...Plus, a nice ring never hurt any woman!! So christmas looks like an ideal time to do the deed!

I haven't spoken to my friend yet today, I will text her later and just see how she's doing....Hoping that things are ok at home, and hoping more that shes found the will to start again without hindrances!

Right, this is me signing off temporarily as I scoot for a quick bath before school run, and before this little darling wakes up and shouts for her mum and her bottle!


NOVEMBER 16th 2007

Ok, so my day starts off quite normal...For me! A skip comes to get dropped on my driveway and won't fit, the driver tells me I've a marathon rubbish load in the morning, as he will bring skip back again and I will have to throw a skips worth of crap into it within twenty minutes, we shall see!!

Maisie is at the moment asleep in the kitchen next to the washing machine, being kept asleep by the no9 cycle!
I am not planning on going out today apart from later on when I have to go and pick Jess up from school, may nip into town after and have another look for few more xmas presents.
Quite a dull day here today, no sun, no rain, no nothing, just pure autumn dreary weather.
Would like to spend abit more family time over the weekend, that again is hit and miss, never seems to happen, one thing or another crops up or just general doing separate things happens.........It shouldn't, but it does! Family is important to me, my little unit here means everything, but sometimes ships sail in opposite directions, sometimes not for a reason, sometimes without realising it they just drift apart, so it is down to us to steer them back, before they get lost in an emotional mist! I am unsure whether us, as a couple, see things in a similar light, that I am unsure of, but again we do have to realise we as humans are all different and all have different opinions and feelings, we cannot take for granted, we cannot assume that everything is just OK because we want it to be, we have to put effort in and work hard to keep the direction of our family unit going on the right course. Nothing comes easy in this life, I realise this, as my life has been a roller coaster, it is just a pity that sometimes other people don't realise the same!

NOVEMBER 25th 2007
Sunday morning starts off as usual, I am up at a too early hour for a weekend, driven out of the bedroom by a certain little person who has demanded to get up and go down stairs....So although little Maisie is dressed in her new clothes I bought her yesterday, I am however still sporting a rather fashionable pink dressing gown......And where are the two other house occupants...in bed of course! I have been up and about over two and a half hours, so lets hope that they're having a nice lie in!
At the moment although I do blame alot of my feelings on being tired, I do believe that my home life is well and truly unbalanced, meaning....Leaning on me, which is unfair, and in my usual no messing way,will be attended to in due course, I take no messing, and I truly believe that over the years of practicing crappy relationships I have learnt enough to foresee problems and attempt to stop them in their tracks before they multiply!
One is now signing off and going to wake up the living dead so I can go and take a bath!

DECEMBER 4TH 2007

Just taken my eldest daughter to school, realised my cars petrol light was glaring at me, and so had to do a quick run to Tesco, saw two cars that had seemingly crashed, and the occupants looking scared and worked up on the roadside, not a good start to their day!
We have had the in laws over this weekend, and yes I have survived it! Isn't that the typical old joke, that we as none blood relatives are destined to be persecuted by the in laws lol! Well, I have survived, so either I am a tough cookie or they aren't that bad lol!
This weekend gone was used wisely, my partner went over to Northern Ireland to visit home, bringing back the oldies with him, me and my kiddies got cracking on revamping two rooms downstairs at home, 'changing rooms' revisited! We had been planning a surprise decorating and soft furnishing change for a while, so as soon as Steve disappeared to go to the airport, the decorator came and stripped the walls, amazingly all went well, everything got done, walls freshly lined and painted, new curtains and rugs etc, all went to plan, which must be a first! I should be on the tv doning changing rooms! Anyway, now the jobs done, rooms sorted for Christmas, we intend to plonk the tree up tomorrow, as oooh the festive season is nearly here! Again!
Did attempt a night out on friday for a few hours at the pub with my friend, first time after having Maisie....Hmmm wasn't a huge success in my eyes, maybe I am not quite ready, maybe I should have gone out with my sisters, I don't know, but it wasn't the experience I had remembered prior to having my little baby! I don't feel too old to go out, not at all, I do however feel abit heavier than I did, understandably so, and maybe I will feel more like me again once I have lost the last bit of pregnancy plump, least then I will be able to wear what I actually like, and not what I just feel more comfy in....The confidence bit is ok, I feel ok in me, which I didn't think I would do, especially at the pub, but I honestly did, that side of the night was ok, I did however miss my baby loads, fretted after just half an hour,but did resist the phoning home till after at least a couple of hours. I do want to try another night out soon though, I would like a night out with Steve in town and one with my sisters too, as they are the ones I am most used to going out with.  I suppose the only plus side to friday night was the chance to dress up abit, to spend a bit of time with my friend, and the one very small amount of flattery received by a bloke asking me out on behalf of his mate lol, wow! Well least I suppose the baby flab didn't look as bad as I had thought lol! Though as I am happy with my Steve and have a nice little family here, who would look elsewhere?  Only the unhappy, bored or desperate would take it any further, me.....I'm really happy and contented with Steve when we are getting on properly, which at the moment is now!

DECEMBER 7TH 2007

Wow another week is nearly over, friday is here again!
Christmas parties are rife everywhere, my partners works party is tonight, and thankfully for my own personal thoughts, has work tomorrow lol! Yes work with a blasting hangover lol! Oooh what a sadistic girlfriend am I lol?!
Today I am indoors all day, because well...I am never really home for a full day at the moment, and sometimes I just feel like an easy day, not a lazy day, but an easier one, the not loading and unloading of prams and car seats into the car, the not packing of shopping, thankfully today is my easy day! Yes, and watching Jeremy Kyle whilst typing to prove it lol!
My little bundle of joy is sleeping on the sofa and snuggled with cushions and a fluffy blanket!
I am now about to carry on answering some letters and get a cup of coffee too!


DECEMBER 13TH 2007

Well done to my little baby, she's now a whole three months old today! Loads of love to you Maisie from Mummy,Daddy and Jessica xxx

Today I have and am having a well lazy day, my little girl is having one also, as she didn't sleep well last night, she is now making up for it, and has been dozing all morning on my knee....I have literally just grabbed five minutes to pop online alone!

Everyone in our family seems to be suffering with either a bad cold or a bug, it's rife here at the moment, and touch wood(touches head!) I have managed to miss it up to now.

I have a large pile of Christmas presents ready to take to my mums house, and as this is where the bug lives at the moment, the presents will have to wait a while!

I am supposed to be going out again for another attempt at a post-baby night out tomorrow, this time with my youngest sister, one will see how that goes, I am reasonably optimistic, and have bought a new top and some good ol' passion killing knix to hold in the baby bulge! Still feeling a little large at the moment, as my clothes size is nowhere near what it used to be, but I do have a baby to show for it, thank god! I am going to throw myself into exercise etc after new years away, no point now as I won't stick to it over Christmas.
I have made an appointment at the doctors for Monday, my back is still no better, fact it is worse if anything, and the only peace I get from it pain wise is to be standing up, and one can't spend 24hrs a day doing that!
I have just got my lunch here now and Maisie has as ever woken up, always the same!
Signing off for now!


DECEMBER 2007

Well due to unforeseen circumstances, ie) My kiddies and partner have come down with the dreaded lurgy ( sickness and em more...)  I am voluntarily grounded tonight, Jess has been very poorly during the night and spent most of it in the bathroom, I got the usual job of cleaning up the evidence, yak! Just hoping that this bug is out of her system by tomorrow.
I am about to nip down town for a few bits and to give Maisie some fresh air ( Well, Chorley air anyway!)
It is very cold here today, the car was frozen up this morning, and I had to operate the deicer before going to Morrisions to grab some cold and flu supplies....All that is left is for me to catch it now!
My friend wanted to pop over earlier, but it just isn't suitable here at min, the whole house seems to be full of some sort of bug! Hope it's away from Christmas.
Our back room looks like Aladdin's cave of presents, of course most of them are for the kids, but then Christmas time is really about the children...As long as they get what they want and have a good time that is what matters to me.
Looks like the next time I am able to get out and about at night will be new years ever, but one never knows, maybe there might be a slim chance of a night out before...Do doubt it though! I was really wanting to get out too tonight, bought a new top etc aswel, but as is quite normal, one can never predict illness....And I just couldn't settle knowing my kiddies were ill and wanted their mum....My partner is suffering from what is known as oooh Man Flu!

DECEMBER 29TH 2007

Well we are now well and truly over Christmas and heading towards the new year.
We have had an ok festive time under the circumstances..... Our little Maisie was poorly and ended up with a night in hospital, half scared her dad, big sis and me to death, but alls well now thank god! She has remarkably still managed to put 10oz  of weight on over the last three weeks  even though she's been sick alot.
Hoping to take my other kiddy shopping later today, need to try and spread my attention out evenly etc.
On a lighter note, father Christmas was rather generous this year, for everyone, Jess was truly spoilt as ever, Maisie even for a three month old baby got tonnes of stuff and I didn't do badly either, getting a new mobile phone, digital camera, perfume etc.....Now taking me double minutes to send a text like, getting used to a new make and model. Motorola is my usual, now swapped onto samsung.
Heres now hoping the new year brings better health in our house!
Signing out of my diary for today!  WISHING EVERYONE A FANTASTIC FESTIVE SEASON AND BRILLIANT NEW YEAR!!!



January 8th 2008

Today I  am having a quiet day, well as regards going out etc anyway, still plenty to do and Maisie to look after, cute little kid is asleep on my knee as I type.
Do feel slightly edgy today. as I have been receiving stupid abusive calls to my mobile, presuming it is teenagers as they do sound young, anyway I have informed the police and my network provider who are now tracing the calls, I am not scared, but the abusive lingo wasn't nice! Local police and network provider are very good and add as a warning to other potential phone call abusers that their number whether withheld or not can be traced!  Today this is not going to get me down nor is it going to scare me, I feel safer knowing the authorities are aware!
I am now about to pop upstairs and get myself ready to go and pick my daughter up from school, it may be a new year but the ol'legs haven't found their way home just yet, I do believe that I will be school running back and forth forever!

January 13th 2008

Well my phone calls have stopped, well for the time being anyway...As in alot of cases the perpetrator is someone we know, and it is purely a matter of elimination, so yes, I have now come to learn the name of the fool who thought that making nuisance calls and shouting swearing and abuse was amusing has now been names and shamed. It is has been a matter of deciding what to do next, do you leave it and let it be or do you take it one stage further and inform the authorities,  it is to me a matter of principle, and a matter of deciding if one thinks the person in question thinks they have done wrong and has learnt from it?


29th January 2008

Hmmm today is a strange one...........
I have firstly had a very slight lie in, as my daughter was taken to school by her Nana, having Nana-sat her last night, and my baby only woke at 8am, so although some wouldn't see that as a lie in, it really is when compared to 5am!

Today I have also said goodbye to a few old demons, which have been kind of haunting me in the background over the years;
When someone really hurts you, and it does have a traumatic affect on your life, it can be years after that things sort of right themselves, and I feel today I have done something that maybe I should have done years ago....written a shortish but detailed letter to someone who hurt me when I was a child, as this person is now dying, so I guess closure does happen eventually!
I have brought my daughter up to speak freely, to be open with me and tell me when anything is on her mind, as not having that closeness nor availability is never a good thing, she knows I am there, always will be, and she knows 100% that help is always at hand if she needs me.
The childhood we have will inevitably have an impact on adult life, mine has made me very close, but also very protective of both my kiddies.

8th February 2008

I can't believe it's friday again, another week gone in a flash!
Maisie has had ooh three injections this week, poor little kid, and now not feeling too brill!
I'm tired, as ever, little baby still on the night shift, as are we all!

Ok, how do you drum something into someones head who says 'I know!'  agreeing to what is said, then blatantly does the complete opposite? What do you do with someone who seems hell bent on causing as much grief and trauma to themselves as is humanly possible? When is enough enough in relationship terms?  Is there a good time to end the 'fight the good fight?'  Can a person actually voluntarily want and need to be in upset and distress in order to feel normal? Is it possible that because we can get used to bad things, that we think that's all we deserve?..............
Ok mate, my friend, the person who pulled me back together when crap relationships finally went down the tubes......You are my friend, my best mate, you have been there in all the good times, and all the rubbish ones too... And now you do need to give yourself a huge, not so diplomatic, kick up the jacksy, and you know what I mean! It's ok to get hurt and have a bad time, but learn from it, get tougher, see what is in front of you, and grab this glimmer of a new start that's waiting in front of you......You need to do this, for you and those kiddies, and get your sanity back, please!  I hate seeing you like you are, you have so much more to give, and somewhere hidden there is a fight in you that is dying to get out and scream " That's it! I'm free, give me my life back, give me my sanity back, give me my confidence back....And the taker, well, go to hell!!"  Anyone who drains you, zaps you of all your fight, is he worth it? Would a true friend/lover/partner etc who cared genuinely for you be so cruel? Nope! No they would not!
And there goes my yet again attempt to salvage a will!!!! Please!!!

Lots of love
Alison xx



19th February 2008

Hmmmm ....Well it is only tuesday and the week has gone a little wierd already, what else can happen I do not know! Yesterday my Grandad died. Most people would be upset, shocked, grieving.....But in my situation I am not, sounds hard, but truly it is not, I feel relieved if I am being truthful, as in life nothing ever is usual and normal.

Not everyone is a good person, and sometimes in this life we have to accept this, there is little we can do about it, and if a bad person does not want to change their ways, then that's it, we have to assume that they will always be bad...I myself will always refuse to let one bad person spoil my life with other good people, and this is why I have shed no tears at the news of my grandfathers death.

It is such a shame that within a family there is one very rotten apple, one that has had such a big impact on a few innocent peoples lives, but unfortunately it is quite common. We are supposed to love our family unconditionally, but sometimes it just isn't that simple.

How I feel now is partially relieved, partially confused and partially a little miffed, as there has been so much I have wanted to say to my now deceased grandad, and haven't had the chance, which I have always felt was unfair, everyone should be given the chance to rid themselves of their hurt and demons, particularly when I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was strong enough and able enough to deal with a confrontation with him,no one should deny anyone the opportunity to operate freedom of speech. I will never forgive or totally forget what has happened in the past, nor will I grant my Grandad any form of peace, but I will accept the past for what it is, the past and move on.

Other than all that, the day has been ok lol, my daughters and I have been to tesco and I have done a scrap of gardening.

The week will now get better I am sure and I have loads of jobs planned for the next few days as Steve, my bloke is departing for Irish waters for  a few days. Peace at last lol!!!



3rd March 2008

 What a cold day, wind, rain, hail stones and sleet, lovely! Looks like winter has come back!

Maisie has been a bit crabby today, cried on and off, think she's getting a tooth, poor little mite.

Mum came up and we went into town for an hour, had to get a couple of things for Steves birthday, which is on friday, 33!

Booked Jess an eye test, says she is having trouble reading off the blackboard at school, might just be tired eyes, either from the fluorescent lighting or too much telly!

Got inundated with emails to reply back to, all are finished and sent, I like my mail sorted asap.



15th April 2008

Spring is here and my garden is starting to grow, we have been busy planting and pruning over the past few weeks, getting prepared for our little Maisies christening which is taking place in June. We want the house and garden as up to scratch as possible, but after all, we've only lived here since last August and with a baby in tow, it isn't easy!

 With the school easter holidays still on, I have had lots and lots of emails to wade through, so this is keeping me busy.

Jessica and myself had a trip to the Trafford centre on sunday, costs a bomb there! Loads of shops, loads of people, loads of queues and loadsa money! But we had a good day out, I wanted to have a free day with just Jess, which doesn't come round too often, and she's so good with little Maisie.



19th April 2008

It's Saturday again, the week has flown in again, I can't believe it's the middle of April already!

Yesterday I handed my notice in for a part time job I had before Maisie was born, it felt really strange going back into the place I worked, but I can't leave Maisie right now, she's too young and I have far too much to do at home, where I found the time before to work outside the house I'll never know! I shall see how I feel later on when Maisie goes to nursery or school before I even think about extra work!

Today we are telly shopping, gee! So exciting! This must be one of my pet hates, not quite as bad as playstation shopping, but bad enough! I watch tv, but as far as the actual unit goes, I just couldn't care less! My opinion is it's a bloke thing! Think I might go look at shoe and boots shops instead!

Looks like we are going to church tomorrow, we haven't been for a while and we are having Maisie christened in June, so we are trying to get there when possible, isn't really my cup of tea, but I am open to try anything!

Jess is back at school on monday, the house will seem quiet again, I have just got used to her being home.

Anyway, signing off for today as the bloomin telly is calling!


 

29th April 2008

Tuesday afternoon! The mornings gone quick, been busy on here answering letters, Maisie is abit off colour, teething, so I am forever nappy changing,argh! Poor little mite is worn out and fast alseep at the moment, aw!
Going into town in abit to pick up the immortal playstation 3, bring it on! Can't wait! Which would be sarcasm!
I am now off to change number eight nappy!!


21st  May 2008

Mid week work has been caught up on, house is reasonably organised, Maisie is asleep, and has been for the last two hours, which is great, but....she's attached to my knee, and the toilet has been calling me for the past hour lol, argh!
As soon as my little kiddy awakes I shall hot foot it to the loo, then sort her out so we can pop to B&Q, as I managed to break the blade on the flymow last night, wicked!
Will also have to load my little nephews pressie in the care too, as it's his first birthday on 26th, aw! Cutie pie! So happy birthday little Jamie in advance!
Now, as my own little cutie pie seems to have opened her eyes, I am signing off to go start my chores!


19th June 2008

 Well, as of yesterday I am officially another year older, 37 now, argh!  I know that age is only a number, but some numbers are nicer than others. So, what did I do?  Well, I went for lunch out with my best friend and ofcourse took little Maisie aswel.....Then picked up Jess from school and went to Preston Deepdale to do a spot of clothes shopping....And the heavens opened and yes, we got soaked!

So a damp ending to my birthday!

Today has been a day indoors, plodding through website work and housework inbetween, plus playing,changing,feeding and cleaning up after Maisie, my little sidekick!